Dying To Live
by Kohana
Summary: AU How can one boy on the verge of dying explain to a boy the gift of living?  Naruto thought he had forever and upon finding he has only months, he must teach a suicidal Sasuke why he shouldn't throw away the gift of life. Rated for language.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Not very much to say before I begin this...alright, maybe a _bit_. First of all, I will not lable this as any sort of romance. I haven't decided if I want to have a bit of a romantic flair to it or if I'd prefer to leave it more on a friendship role. Maybe you guys can make up my mind for me on that.

Also, I admit to being a Biotech major so I don't tend to believe my writing is as up to standard as many others on here. And even if I am a biotech major, I hardly know many of the medical terms which I'll be trying to research. I've learnt a bit on tumors and can probably tell you a good bit of cellular biology but when it comes to clinically, I can get a bit stuck, so a lot of my information is coming from the WWW, how we all love thee! I'll try to make this as realistic as posible, so please bare with me! If you do have more information than I do then _please_ be my guest and help me.

I've had this idea for a while and when I did want to write it, I had often thought of making it more of an original fic, but after reading a few Naruto fanfics, I thought I would try for that instead and as such, I had to change a few of the things I wished to do to make it more realistic for the characters. It may be pretty OOC at times but I'm trying to keep the characters as normal as they would be in the cases that they lived in modern Osaka, Japan. On that note, I am no Japanese expert so bare with me on that too. XD I fail apparently!

The hospital I use later on is actually a hospital in Osaka so I take no claim to it. Frankly, it could be a hospital that specializes in orthopedics and I will feel like an ass, but just let it go and accept it, please?

I think that's it! I do hope you enjoy. It is a rough version. A beta would be preferred but I have no idea how to get my hands on one of those. If you do enjoy, please leave a review. I'd appreciate it and it will give me the energy to write and continue this going!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters that hold a part in Naruto. That right belongs to Kishimoto Masashi and I take no claim in it other than my wild imagination in which I add his characters to.

* * *

**Prologue**

The influx of air seemed to stick in the back of my throat and I could just make out Iruka behind me in what must have been a similar situation.

I was going to _die. _

And just like that, the room seemed to close around me. Stark walls seemed terribly closer to my wide eyes, and the lights were _too_ bright. The air, _too _stagnant. I was going to die, literally. If not now, surely in a few months.

You know that ringing in your ears you get sometimes? That one that when it happens, some old gullible person tells you that someone is speaking badly of you? I could hear that ringing. I could hear it loudly and clearly and even if the man in the crisp white coat was speaking, all I could see was his lips moving.

Iruka was directly behind me now. I could feel his hand clenching through the fabric of my shoulder.

_No! No no no no no! _I'm _seventeen_. This kind of stuff doesn't happen to people my age. It's all right if you're wrinkly and grey and then no one really cares that much! But I still have a life to live!

"I'm seventeen." I finally whisper determinedly. "_Seventeen_." I stressed to the doctor. And now the room is back in order. I can hear again. I can _breathe_ again. But for God damn sake—why the _fuck_ isn't anyone shouting 'April Fools'?

The doctor seems slightly taken aback. "I'm sorry Uzumaki-kun, but while your age range is not usually the norm, this can very well happen at any age."

My world...my semi-perfect world…

Just like that—broken.

* * *

**Chapter 1**

It wasn't until I was coming out of math class that I felt it again. Sort of like a nagging headache that spread from the base of my skull to just behind my eyes. It made the world spin around me, and my eyes burned in exhaustion.

This wasn't my first headache. Damn—this was more like my hundredth headache! However, it had only just recently gotten worst. Before, I'd take some form of generic headache medicine and be merry and on my way, but now—well now, I wouldn't be surprised if I was overdosing on the damn pills.

The chatter around me seemed pretty insistent and loud. I caught pieces of someone bringing up homework, as someone else conversed on the school's basketball game last night. Could they be any _louder_? You'd think they had to scream for the whole world to hear.

Well, not that I'm one to talk. Shikamaru likes to remind me that I'm loud to a fault. I think he said that I was the textbook definition of loud, but to Shikamaru, I think everything is loud and _troublesome_.

"Yo, Naruto!" A gruff voice hollered somewhere behind me through the crowd of people.

I didn't have to turn around to figure who it was. There was only one person who could make growling seem human. Waiting for the bigger boy to reach my side, I took a quick glance at him. "Kiba." I nodded in greeting. "What happened to your face? Your guard dog mistook you for the enemy?"

I wasn't kidding about his face either. The area of his cheekbone was bruised an ugly purple. _Fresh_ I noticed. I'd know that sort of thing. I got plenty bruised through life. I _still_ got plenty bruised. He growled one of his more dog-like growls.

"I'll have _you_ know that Akamaru is _smart_ enough to know who the master is!" The Inuzuka's bred guard dogs. It was knowledge in our close niche of friends that Kiba was recently given his own dog to train.

"Seems like he isn't _that_ smart then if he thinks you're the master." I grinned at the taller boy. Maybe headaches made me feel cheeky or something, because if school had been out, I'd _definitely _get an equally ugly bruise such as the one Kiba was sporting.

Kiba's hands rounded into fists and I made a grapevine quickstep to move further from his side. "If you're done," he murmured to which I nodded in quick recession. "I'll have you know this lovely piece of work came from Hyuuga."

"I hope you mean the he and not the she, because that would be pretty comical." Mirth seemed to spill from my words and I smiled imagining the tiny Hyuuga Hinata rounding on the large Inuzuka and punching him square in the jaw.

"Ha ha." Sarcasm did nothing for Kiba, I reckon. "Neji decided he didn't like the fact that I had my arm around Hinata-chan. He though he should give me a demonstration on what happens when one gets too close to the Hyuuga heiress."

I finally decided to give Kiba a better look. At this point, we were definitely going to be late for Economics but who needed Economics anyway? And _God_, was my head killing or what? "Well, I'm surprised it's not worst. Hyuuga has a nasty bite I hear. Worst than that dog of yours I imagine."

Kiba shrugged. "He'll get used to me dating his cousin eventually."

"Your funeral." I murmured before rounding away from Kiba.

"Where're you heading? Econ's this way!" He hollered towards me. The halls were nearly empty, with only a few stragglers lurching in the halls trying to take as long as possible.

"Nurse's office!" I replied behind my shoulder. "Headache! Tell Asuma-sensei I'll be in soon."

I rounded the corner and stared down at the impossibly long hallway. And was it me or was the room tilting? The pain behind my eyes made my eyesight blurry and the last thing I saw before I eventually entered a world of blackness was the principal heading in my direction.

_Great_, I thought. Tsunade-baa-chan would definitely be on my case for skipping on class.

* * *

I came to with someone shining a light to my eyes. "Uzumaki-kun, can you hear me?"

I murmured something that didn't even make sense to myself.

"Uzumaki-kun?" The tenor voice asked again.

"Where 'm I?" I finally mumbled out. My head was _killing_ me. I could make out moving. A noise. Loud. But muffled. _What?_

"Uzumaki-kun. Can you tell me what you last remember?"

What the _hell_ was going on? "Where am I?" And now I could finally speak it, while twisting my face to the earlier voice. "What's going on?"

Cold hands were feeling my wrists. Something was slipped up my arm. I could make out a rapid beat in the background like the fast rhythm of a drum. "Blood pressure is 135 over 92 and rising." The tenor said to an invisible person.

"_Where am I?_" Why wasn't he answering me?

"I'm sorry Uzumaki-kun." He finally responded to me. "You're in an ambulance heading to _Kashiwara Municipal_ Hospital. Can you please tell me what you last remember, Uzumaki-kun?"

_Ambulance?_ What happened? I tried thinking back but for the life of me, everything just seemed _so _jumbled.

I must've looked frustrated because the paramedic told me not to worry about it. He went on speaking to his invisible person again.

"Uzumaki-kun, we're pulling into the hospital now. We'll roll you into the Emergency Room, all right? We need you to be very still for us."

What happened next was a journey through white walls from one room to the next. From one doctor to another. From nagging and persistent nurses and needles and x-rays and jumbled letters that I couldn't begin to understand, far less decode.

And what passed was hours of waiting—hours of confusion as I tried placing my puzzled thoughts. I was in school, wasn't I? That's right, a headache. I had Econ. And I was going to the nurse's office when I must've fainted.

It didn't take long for Iruka to come running to my assigned room at the ER. Between the lights that were constantly being shined in my eyes and all the other exams, he seemed slightly blurry at the edges.

"Naruto—oh God! You're okay!" He was grabbing at my hand as if to make sure I was real.

"Iruka." I grounded out. "What happened?"

"Tsunade called me and told me you fainted." He was running his hands through my hair now. "The doctors haven't told me anything yet. I was finally able to see you."

A quiet lapse fell between us. "I was worried _sick_. Don't you dare do that to me again!" But while he said that, he continued to gently hold my hand as if I were to break.

I could just imagine how worried Iruka was. He'd always been a bit of a mother hen and his teacher instincts seemed to intensify them. And here I went and had a fainting spell like a young lady in the late 1800s, worrying Iruka for nothing.

"I'm sorry." I smiled weakly. "Guess I just like the attention, huh?" He found little humor in my joke.

"Uzumaki Naruto?" A voice called behind Iruka. It was a doctor, his coat as white as the walls. Underneath he wore dark blue scrubs that seemed as worn as his face even if he still appeared to be on the younger side.

"Yes?" Iruka answered for me. "Is everything all right? What happened? Why'd he faint?"

"Ah, I'm sorry, are you the patient's father?" The doctor strained to smile. Almost as if any act of kindness would hurt him.

"His adopted father, yes. I'm Umino Iruka."

"Well then, Umino-san. Uzumaki-kun. I am Dr. Takazawa of the neurology department here." The air seemed stale between us as the doctor placed a few scans on clips in front of a light that seemed to make them come to life.

"We just got back with the MRI and CT scans that were taken earlier and were able to diagnose the problem." And here his voice became a bit gruff. "It appears Uzumaki-kun that you have an abnormal cell growth between the cerebrum and cerebellum, just behind the occipital lobe."

_Huh?_

"Without some more information, we can't be sure if the tumor cells are benign or malignant, however, with it's rapid cell growth, we're assuming them to be malignant of a Stage Three category."

"Excuse me but can you explain what that means?" Iruka asked and even if he asked to explain, it sounded like he knew exactly what the doctor was talking about. If possible, his hands had gotten colder and his grip tightened.

Dr. Takazawa brushed a hand through his muddy brown hair that was cut cropped to his head. "I'm sorry Uzumaki-kun but it appears that you have a Stage Three brain tumor of the malignant variety. That is to say," he continued, "That it is most likely cancerous."

"These tumor cells are pushing against your occipital lobe and creating pressure in the skull cavity which explains the constant headaches you have been feeling as of lately."

I have a brain tumor. Full stop. No fainting spell. A _fucking _brain tumor. And here was the doctor going on as if this was as simple as a brain in a vat. This is _my _fucking brain!

"Frankly speaking, it's quite late in its stage and is starting to effect other things. You fainted due to its pressure against the area of your brain that works with motor skills. You might experience blurriness or slight ringing in your ears, which are all effects from the tumor."

Iruka was breathing harshly now. "What can you do?"

"Well, it might be too early to say anything without any more research and so that will be the first thing that must be done. However, if it is malignant as we believe, it will be impossible to fully remove the tumor as we would have if it were benign. The tumor will only continue growing even if we were to remove as much as we could."

Iruka seemed to back away now, almost as if the doctors words were pushing him back physically.

The influx of air seemed to stick in the back of my throat and I could just make out Iruka behind me in what must have been a similar situation.

I was going to _die. _

And just like that, the room seemed to close around me. Stark walls seemed terribly closer to my wide eyes, and the lights were _too_ bright. The air, _too _stagnant. I was going to die, literally. If not now, surely in a few months.

You know that ringing in your ears you get sometimes? That one that when it happens, some old gullible person tells you that someone is speaking badly of you? I could hear that ringing. I could hear it loudly and clearly and even if the man in the crisp white coat was speaking, all I could see was his lips moving.

Iruka was directly behind me now. I could feel his hand clenching through the fabric of my shoulder.

_No! No no no no no! _I'm _seventeen_. This kind of stuff doesn't happen to people my age. It's all right if you're wrinkly and grey and then no one really cares that much! But I still have a life to live!

"I'm seventeen." I finally whisper determinedly. "_Seventeen_." I stressed to the doctor. And now the room is back in order. I can hear again. I can _breathe_ again. But for God damn sake—why the _fuck_ isn't anyone shouting 'April Fools'?

The doctor seems slightly taken aback. "I'm sorry Uzumaki-kun, but while your age range is not usually the norm, this can very well happen at any age."

My world...my semi-perfect world…

Just like that—broken.

* * *

**A/N:** And that would be it! Please tell me if it's worth continuing. Thank you~!

**Kohana**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Nothing much to say with putting this chapter out! Sorry for the delay but my summer courses took a bit out of me. I'll definitely try to get on a schedule with putting out updates for this story.

Admittedly, I was a bit disappointed with the lack of reviews but I got a few story alerts with made me a bit cheerful, including a couple favourite story alerts too. I about died on seeing those.

Hopefully I haven't disappointed you with this. I'm trying to make this well thought out, and so, I'm sorry for the lack of Sasuke in this chapter but he'll appear eventually! Other than that, in Japanese language, doctors are called -sensei and thus, that's why it's used so frequently. Also, I know it's a bit odd to place Kakashi as a doctor, but it was the most believable thing I could come up with as to why he was constantly covering the lower portion of his face.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters that hold a part in Naruto. That right belongs to Kishimoto Masashi and I take no claim in it other than my wild imagination in which I add his characters to.

* * *

**Chapter 2**

Uzumaki Naruto is a man of principle. At least—I like to believe I'm a man of principle. I can probably explain my life on principles.

Firstly, I must be as unexpected as plausible. This may not seem like such a big deal to many people, but it's important. I will do things differently. I will do things unexpectedly, and I will do them when you wish I had not done them. Iruka calls it my need-to-be-seen complex. He says that growing up in an orphan gave me this need to be noticed and I tended to attract bad attention with my unexpectedness.

_Well!_ Needless to say, I think Iruka is Wrong. Wrong with a capital W because he's just that wrong. I do not have a complex. I just like to _spice_ up life. That's all! There's nothing wrong with being different. Who likes normal anyway?

Secondly, I _always _keep promises. And I do mean always too. I've done some crazy things to keep promises. I'm not saying they were _good_ per se, but I kept them. It's all about knowing your limits (which needless to say, I _don't_), but I promised Iruka two years back that I would get a B in English.

Guess who got a _B-_ in English! Hell yeah! And it counts because it has a B in there, so hah!

That's just two principles. I have many others. Such as me never being sick. And it's true too! I'm _never _sick! Which actually kind of sucks because that means I never have a good excuse for being absent from school. So, needless to say, I've never missed a day of school. That's not to say I haven't skipped some classes. But when you're friends with Shikamaru, lazing around on the school's roof is just _so_ much more exciting.

This was the second day I'd been absent from school. _Second! _This is my principles we're talking about here! And I know I hate the damn structure and everything it represents but this was beyond control. Iruka hadn't even batted an eyelash. Iruka—my guardian that went _insane _when I didn't make it to classes! It's as if everything just happened to be on standstill.

I somehow got off the train of life and realized that there was no way to get back on.

As far as I know, no one from school knew yet about the events that happened a couple days ago, but how soon until they did? It was awful enough seeing Iruka's anxious and tired expressions, but to see them on my friends' faces? I guess it's sort of a 'out of sight, out of mind' thing. If no one reminded me that I was dying, maybe it _wouldn't _happen.

Alas, another of my principles. I'm an optimistic individual to a fault. Positive thinking leads to positive results! Iruka thinks I'm not fully optimistic. He thinks if my whole positive thinking theory were any bit true, I'd be acing my subjects. I like to remind him that I'm positive I will _pass _and not _ace_, and my theory thus holds true! One point for Uzumaki!

It's hard though to be optimistic in this situation. How exactly can you optimistically look at a glass that has one gulp of milk left? Because that's how I've been looking at my life lately. In the two days I've been stuck in this white jail cell, I've understood I have just months to live off the years I've expected to live.

Hatake-sensei or Kakashi-sensei as he prefers to be called, the doctor on the pediatric floor has gone through options with Iruka and me. We've made _accommodations_ that are hardly accommodating and have left both Iruka and myself a little more than weary and queasy at the thought.

Needless to say, as soon as my mind wanders to the devil—so does the devil walk in. I do mean devil…

Kakashi-sensei is every bit in his late 30s, maybe even early 40s and he's a premature grey. Silver strands tend to frame an angled face and strong jaw that's seen too many tragedies, I imagine. His eyes are mismatched, one replaced with a glass eye. You can't really tell at first because his silvery-grey hair tends to conveniently cover the glass one, and you only really see a scar that shoots up mid-way through the eye and BAM! You notice it! That's hardly the oddest thing of Kakashi-sensei.

He also loves wearing a surgical mask. I know…it's _really_ odd. He says he forgets that he has it on, and yet when I remind him, he doesn't bother taking it off. I think he believes it takes your eyes away from _his _eyes, and I guess it's partly true. Sometimes, I get so aggravated from trying to understand his muffled voice that I don't give a damn about his eyes. See? Works _perfectly_.

But needless to say, that's _hardly_ as bad as his reading literature. Kakashi-sensei is a pervert. He carries that _Icha Icha _book in his coat pocket! You can see the startling orange break through the top of his pocket, and if I weren't such a huge fan of the colour orange, I would rip the book at its seam. Jiraiya-sensei carries that book around with him too, and I know what _he_ is like!

"Naruto-kun." I'm sure Kakashi-sensei must be grinning widely behind his blue surgical mask but if his teeth are as sparkly as his good eye, I'm not sure I'll ever know.

"Kakashi-sensei." I mumble back. I've been a bit of a grouch these last few hours. I actually sent Iruka packing about two hours back. Being angsty was not a good look for me. I tended to be even more dirty mouth than I usually am. And with Iruka moping around, I about threw my only pillow at him and shouted at him to go find me ramen.

"Your guardian stepped out, then?" I didn't know if he actually expected me to answer that. I know he has a glass eye but he's not _completely_ blind. He obviously notices Iruka is absent. However, I can understand his surprise as Iruka has been by my deathbed since we found out about the whole ordeal.

"Ah." I finally seem to mouth.

Don't get me wrong. Hatake Kakashi is a great doctor! It's obvious why he's the head of the pediatric ward. He smiles a lot (even if you can't _see_ it) and he's constantly cheery. He tends to draw attention and be friendly and comforting but still professional. It's the part where he's in charge of the pediatric ward that gets me.

I mean for God's sake! I'm seventeen-fucking-years-old! What the hell am I doing in the pediatric ward? This just seems a tad bit unfair. Not only am I dying—oh no! I get to enjoy it in the ward where they have story time. _Yay_ for me.

Kakashi doesn't seem to care about my bad mood at all. He walks around and checks the chart that my nurse has earlier scribbled into and seems to nod to some of the comments.

"Tell me Naruto-kun," he doesn't eye me as he talks. "Have you experienced any uncomfortable feelings today?"

I mull his words over in my brain. "Uncomfortable?" I ask.

"Ah." He nods. "Headaches? Dizziness? Anything you can attribute to the tumor?"

I shake my head. Well, there goes pretending my tumor isn't in existence. Only managed to try that for the two hours that Iruka was absent. Damn.

"The bed though," I finally respond. "Is very uncomfortable and I'd greatly appreciate it if I could leave."

He responds with a muffled laugh. "I'm sorry to say I can't allow that Naruto-kun. However, feel free to walk around the ward with the nurse's permission."

And as an added quip to my whole defiance against the pediatric ward, he continues; "I hear they've got arts and craft this afternoon. That should cheer you up, ne?"

I mean, _really_? And that is why Kakashi-sensei is the devil! Is it not enough that I'm dying, but he has to make my last few months difficult too?

I mumble something insanely degrading to the professional man under my breath and he ruffles my blond hair, acting none the wiser to my colourful language.

He then turns a serious eye to me. The glass one, I can tell from this angle is a red. For a moment, all I can think is how odd it is to see a red iris peeking under his silver bangs. He doesn't pick the dark colour of his actual eye. Instead, he makes it stand out even more and I'm beginning to question if he is as embarrassed of it as I thought he was when I first met him. Now, it seems, I believe he _likes_ to bring stares to the unnatural eye. Almost as if to remind his patients that they're not alone in their abnormalities.

"What is it?" I turn to face the only window in the room, slightly unnerved by his red eye. From the window, I can see blue skies with floating clouds. Frankly, that's all I can see. I'm about fifteen floors up and from my position on the bed, I can't see much below the skyline.

I have an odd thought for one moment where I think Shikamaru would enjoy this view, until I remember the price that I paid in order to enjoy the roaming clouds and light blue skies. It hardly seems like an equivalent exchange.

"Naruto-kun," Kakashi begins again. He seems a bit wearier than when he first walked through the door. "Have you and Umino-san come to a decision on furthering your health care?"

"What health care?" I let out, seething slightly. There is _no_ health care for me. I'm dying! What choices do I have? How much longer I want to live? Lucky me gets to choose between six months and eight months.

"Naruto-kun," Kakashi responds in his muffled voice. "I understand this is a difficult decision for you—"

"Oh, you do, do you?" I all but growl and I believe I might've done Kiba proud with that one.

Iruka chose this appropriate moment to walk in with a large brown paper bag clasped in a fist. His dark hair was pulled up in its usual ponytail. He must've freshened up in his hours of absence, something I was pleased about.

All my life, I've associated Iruka with a being that's filled with patience and good manners. He's always dressed appropriated and looking fresh and clean in usual slacks and button down shirts or pullover sweaters. He's the epitome of _neat_. I've grown up with that since Iruka adopted me. I've learnt that he hates being untidy. He rarely ever is, but these past few days, I've seen an Iruka I've hated.

For the last two days, he wore the same outfit and his hair seemed to have a Medusa-like atmosphere, splaying about wildly and unkempt. He'd gotten dark shadows beneath his eyes and he was biting his nails. Iruka _never _bites his nails! He harps on me when I bite my nails and to see him so out of it scares me more than dying.

Now however, he's walked in with a pair of dark trousers, and a professional sweater. I can tell his face has been scrubbed from grime and he now actually looks a bit healthy. He actually smiles at the two of us—albeit it appears more like a grimace—and he nods to Kakashi-sensei.

"Hatake-sensei." Iruka breathes out as he walks in. He places his package on the table meant for me and pulls out two large Styrofoam bowls that I just _know_ contains ramen from my favourite restaurant of all time—_Ichiraku_.

"Two miso ramen for one Uzumaki Naruto." Iruka opens one and moves the table closer to me and hands me the chopsticks that accompanies my meal.

"_Thank you!_" I say loudly in awkward English as I give him a toothy grin and begin to devour my meal.

Kakashi-sensei is oddly quiet next to me. For a moment, I ponder if he would take his mask off to eat if I offered him my other bowl of ramen. I quickly discard the idea though as I can barely stand the thought of sharing my ramen. Unheard of!

The grey-haired doctor must've agreed with me however because within a few seconds, he clears his throat and I can almost picture the speech he is about to give Iruka and myself. This speech can hardly be different from the last few he's given us and just the thought of it makes the noodles in my mouth taste soggy and cold.

"Umino-san," Kakashi begins as he pushes a few loose strands away from his face. "I was just questioning Naruto-kun on the decisions that the two of you have made."

Iruka has a hand curled into the brown paper bag that he means to discard. "With all due respect Hatake-sensei, is it possible for my son to enjoy his meal before we get into this discussion?"

Although I'm his adopted son, I hardly ever hear Iruka refer to me as his son. I was his student before that and he normally refers to me as just Naruto. To hear him call me his son is almost a rude awakening of the pain he must be going through. Sure, I'm the one dying, but Iruka is the one that will have to bury me after my death and have to continue living with my memories all around him. I feel a sense of loss.

Kakashi-sensei nods. "Of course Umino-san, but this is very important."

"You don't think I _know_ that?" Iruka all but yells. I've _never_ seen Iruka yell at an adult. I'm sure he's gotten quite loud with a lot of his students, but this is unexpected. A little bit scary even and I notice I've been chewing on the same noodles for about a minute now and that it now forms a paste in my mouth that stops me from responding.

"I know this is very important!" The bag is now curled in his fist. "But can my son just enjoy his ramen?" Iruka is irate and Kakashi-sensei gets the picture.

The doctor nods again, a bit wearier than the first time. "I'll be back after your meal then, Naruto-kun." He turns to me and I nod my head in understanding, a bit too startled to say anything. "Please try to eat a little bit slower before you choke on your food." He tries to lighten the mood before he walks out of the room.

I turn to stare at Iruka who is staring out the open door. I don't know why I say it, but before I know it, I'm whispering 'I'm sorry' to Iruka.

Iruka snaps his head in my direction before shaking his head furiously. "You have nothing to be sorry for Naruto." He's close enough to smooth down my short blond locks that have the habit of being continuously unkempt.

"Yes I do." I'm so morose that it's sickening. I'm sure my ramen has become a gunk of cold noodles and liquid. "You shouldn't have to watch me die."

Iruka's eyes seem to be dead and void but he musters up the courage to smile. "Hey," he smacks the back of my head lightly. "Where's that optimism I've grown so fond of?"

I stare into my Styrofoam bowl as Iruka continues. "You keep thinking positive and we'll keep searching, okay? We'll find something out there and you'll be _just _fine."

"Yeah." I murmur back. "Fine." And I can't believe how fake it sounds to me. I sound so different from my usual charming and cheerful self that I wonder if I can throw up.

This changes everything. It's as if the tumor not only infected my brain, but it infected my attitude as well. My principles—all of them—seemed to be sucked up inside the cancerous cells and left me with nothing of myself. I was dying even before I was dead and all I could do was watch as the world around me died too.

* * *

**A/N: **That's it until I write up my next chapter. I hope you enjoyed and I'd appreciate some replies. (:

Have a great day!

**Kohana**


End file.
